funny emails: January 2009

Funny

• If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,

if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.

• I was born intelligent - education ruined me.

• Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect.......
so why practice?

• If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

• Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.

• How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

• Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.

• One should love animals.
They are so tasty.

• Save water.
Shower with your girl friend.

• Love the neighbor.
But don't get caught.

• Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

calendar for September 1752

I was shocked looking at this. Are'nt u?

Have u ever seen the calendar for September 1752???

If you are working in Unix, try this out.
At $ prompt, type: cal 9 1752

Surprised??? ?

not only in unix, u can also search it in google

See the explanation for what you see.
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.
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Isn't the output queer? A month with whole of eleven days missing. This was the time England shifted from Roman Julian Calendar to the Gregorian Calendar, and the king of England ordered those 11 days to be wiped off the face of the month of September of 1752. (What couldn't a King do in those days?!) And yes, the workers worked for 11 days less, but got paid for the entire 30 days. And that's how "Paid Leave" was born.Hail the King!!!

THIS IS CALLED DIGITOGRAPHY

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.
.
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Love is Everything !!

Love is Everything !!

“This is true love... you think this happens with everyone?”

When we love, it isn't because the person's perfect,
it's because we learn to see an imperfect person perfectly.

A priceless moment is
when the person that you have fallen in love with,
looks you right in the eyes to tell you
that they have fallen in love with you.

Those who love deeply never grow old;
they may die of old age, but they die young.

True love doesn't just fill your heart
it overflows into your whole body and soul..

True love comes once in a lifetime ...
open your eyes and your heart
and see the miracle in front of you.

True love doesn't have a happy ending,
because true love NEVER ENDs.”

From Bush to Obama (US president)

Ramalinga Raju - Shayari

FW: FW: Obama - white

This Cartoon Got the Best Political Cartoon Award

This Cartoon Got the Best Political Cartoon Award

Hitler in his book 'My Struggle' said

'I could have annihilated all Jews in the world,

but I left some of them so that you should know

why I was killing them'.

We are becoming lesser by the day

21^st Century....

We are becoming lesser by the day

Our communication - Wireless

Our dress - Topless

Our telephone - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our youth - Jobless

Our food - Fatless

Our labour - Effortless

Our conduct - Worthless

Our relation - Loveless

Our attitude - Careless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our politics - Shameless

Our education - Valueless

Our follies - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless

Our Job - Thankless

Our Salary - Very Very less

Our emails - useless (especially this one)!

FW: Hain Guzaarish....

NAPPY OF BOSS IS FULL NOW !!!!!

FW: [FFO] Yet again........ another Cost cutting

Yet again....... . Another Cost Cutting

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__,_._,___

FW: A small touching story(Must read)

A small touching story mainly for professionals..

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"

DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?" replied the man.

SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"

DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily.

SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"

DAD: "If you must know, I make Rs.100 an hour."

SON: "Oh," the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow Rs.50 ?"

The father was furious, "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this
childish behavior."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs.50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you asleep, son?" He asked.

"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.

"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier" said the man.

"It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the Rs.50 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. "Oh, thank you daddy!" He yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

"Why do you want more money if you already have some?" the father grumbled.

"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.

"Daddy, I have Rs. 100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?
Please come home early tomorrow I would like to have dinner with you"

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.

Do remember to share that Rs.100 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.

But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

Cute Drawings

FW: Meaningful Equations

Interesting & Meaningful Equations – Don’t forget to read the conclusion in the end

Equation 1

Humans = eat + sleep + work + enjoy

Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore:

Humans = Donkeys + Work + enjoy

Therefore:

Humans - enjoy = Donkeys + Work

In other words,

Humans that don't enjoy = Donkeys that work.

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ ++ ++

Equation 2

Men = eat + sleep + earn money

Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore:

Men = Donkeys + earn money

Therefore:

Men - earn money = Donkeys

In other words

Men who do not earn money = Donkeys

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ ++++! +++++ +

Equation 3

Women = eat + sleep + spend

Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore:

Women = Donkeys + spend

Women - spend = Donkeys

In other words,

Women who do not spend = Donkeys

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +

To Conclude:

From Equation 2 and Equation 3

Men who don't earn money = Women who don't spend

So Men earn money not to let women become donkeys!

And women spend not to let men become donkeys!

So, We have:

Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + Spend money

Therefore we can conclude

Men + Women = 2 Donkeys that live happily together

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FW: How to Tell the gender of a Fly

How to Tell the gender of a Fly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?"
She asked.

"Hunting Flies"
He responded.

"Oh. ! Killing any?"
She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"

He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone"

Jannat - Heaven When MOMIN will enter into Jannat, it will be announced

1) You will remain healthy forever, disease will never come.

2) You will remain alive for ever, death will never come.

3) You will remain in bounties which will never be finished.

Jannat is made with:

Bricks of Gold and Silver
Its cement is of perfumed Musk
Its chips are pearls and Yaqoot
Its sand is Zafraan

There are eight doors of Jannat. These are eight grades of Jannat:

1. Jannatul Mava
2. Darul Maqaam
3. Darul Salaam
4. Darul Khuld
5. Jannat-ul-Adan
6. Jannat-ul-Naeem
7. Jannat-ul-Kasif
8. Jannat-ul-Firdous

Jannatul Mava is in the lowest,
Jannat-ul-Adan is the middle &
Jannat-ul- Firdous is on the highest.

Food of Jannat:

They will eat foods and fruits continuously up to 40 years
Every bowl will have a new taste
They will take eructation which will digest the food and there will be perfumed sweating for the digestion of water
There will be no urine and stool

Place Name:

There will be gardens in Jannat.
Every garden will have the length of about 100 year ' s journey.
The shadow of these gardens will be very dense.
Their plants will be free of thorns.
The size of their leaves will be equal to ears of elephants.
Their fruits will be hanging in rows.
Those who love each other for the sake of Allah will get a pillar of Yaqoot, on which there will be seventy thousand (70,000) rooms. These will shine for the residents of Jannat as the sun shines for the residents of Duniya
There will be rooms in Jannat in such a way that every room will have seventy thousand (70,000) dinning sheets. On every dinning sheet 70,000 types of foods will be served. For their service 80,000 young boys will be moving around looking like beautiful scattered pearls.
One bunch of dates will be equal to the length of 12 arms. The size of a date will be equal to the big pitcher. These will be whiter than milk, sweeter than honey and softer than butter and free of seeds. The stem of these plants will be made up of gold and silver.
There will also be gardens of grapes. The bunches of grapes will be very big. The size of a single grape will be equal to a big pitcher.
Someone asked, ya Rasulullah (Sallalahu alaihi wasallam): will it be sufficient for me and my family. It was answered, it will be sufficient for you and your whole tribe.

The Dresses of Jannat:

The dress of Jannat will be very beautiful.
One will wear 70 dresses at a time.
These will be very fine, delicate, weightless, having different colors.
These dresses will be so fine that the body even the heart will be visible.
And the waves of love in the hearts will also be visible.
These dresses will never become old, never be dirty and will never tear.

There will be four canals in every Jannat:

1. Water.
2. Milk.
3. Honey.
4. Sharabun Tahoora.

There will also be three fountains in Jannat:

1. Kafoor.
2. Zanjabeel.
3. Tasneem.

Qualities of People of Jannat:

In Jannat,

Height of every MOMIN, will be equal to the height of Hazrat Adam (Alaihissalaam) 60 arms (90 feet).
Beauty will be like that of Hazrat Yousuf (Alaihissalaam) .
Age of youth will be like that of Hazrat Esa (Alaihissalaam) 30-33 years).
Sweetness of voice will be like that of Hazrat Dawud (Alaihissalaam) .
Tolerance will be like that of Hazrat Yaqoob (Alaihissalaam) .
Patience will be like that of Hazrat Ayyub (Alaihissalaam) .
Habits will be like that of Sayyaduna Muhammad (Sallalahu alaihi wasallam).

NOTE:

If a person makes Du ' a for Jannat three times, Jannat requests Allah that O, Allah; make his entry into Jannat.
And if a person makes Du ' a for safety from Jahannum three times, The Jahannnum requests Allah that, O, Allah; save him from Jahannum.
Please pass on and may Allah grant the entire Ummah of Nabi sallalahu alayhi wasallam Jannat ul Firdous Ameen!
Every good act is charity.

JAZAK ALLAHU KHAIR- May Allah Forgive our sins... Ameen!

Remember the Prophet P.B.U.H said if u have knowledge pass it on even if it is just one verse. So Forward this message and help us in our Mission to keep the Muslim Youth on the right path, ISLAM.

Add more friends to your messenger and enjoy! Go to http://messenger.yahoo.com/invite/

FW: Humor

Three world famous magicians were in the bar drinking and boasting about their achievements.

The first one said," During my latest show, I made three women from the audience disappear, it was so convincing that their relatives started panicking, no one could find the trick"

The second one said, " Hey, that is nothing, during one of my open air shows I made the Municipality building disappear and the entire town was searching for it"

The third one sighed and said," Both of you are so local, I went to Paris and made the Eiffel Tower disappear for a full one hour, it was live on the TV, entire France was searching for the building & no one had a clue".

Just then an Indian walked into the bar and the three magicians suddenly turned quiet, gave each other fugitive glances and started to slip towards the door.

A Bartender watching this got curious and asked one of the magicians, "Hey what happened ? Who is that guy ? "

One of the magicians whispered, "He is the World's greatest magician, he has done the biggest disappearing trick of all times, we are all mere amateurs compared with what he has done. His name is Ramalinga Raju. He has made USD 1.5 billion disappear from his company's balance sheet in front of everyone's eyes, and the entire world is still looking for it!!!! "

FW: Newtons Law's of love

NEWTON IN ROMANTIC MOOD!
"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from
one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money."

FIRST LAW:

"a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl
in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless
any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
break the legs of the boy."

SECOND LAW:

" the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance."

THIRD LAW:

"the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite
to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals

Subject: An Intelligent Question

Subject: An Intelligent Question

*While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.

*He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is.

*He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.

*Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.

*"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam.

*"Allow me to demonstrate. "

*Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,

*"Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question:

*your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

*Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"

*"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Kalam.

*He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

*Bush nods: "Yes Mr.

*President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

*Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Condoleeza Rice to the test.

*Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

*"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

*Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

*Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

*Bush agrees, and Rice leaves. Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours,but nobody can *come up with an answer.

*Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

*"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

*Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

*Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir!

*I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"

*And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, Stupid

..
it's Manmohan Singh!"

FW: One of the best IT interviews

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication
engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had
never heard of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an
admission into it ..
What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in
12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.
But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not
invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I
will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this
college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be
related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete
your engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But
you know, these cricket matches and football
world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate.
So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took
4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I
will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good,
thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think
they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be
banned.
Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never
thought I would complete it. In fact, when i
flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus
corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower'
education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms
have you worked?
Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my
current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have
experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet
in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a
higher version than VB. I heard very soon they
are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e
times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd.
Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining
BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know
Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to
dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And
very important - I know few words like -
'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes',
'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer
Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not
have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear
t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so
as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term
preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer
US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in
China in the current year, I don't mind
going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't
have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.

The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of Infosys.

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calendar for September 1752

THIS IS CALLED DIGITOGRAPHY

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