Showing posts with label Nauty jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nauty jokes. Show all posts
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RENT FOR APARTMENT-nauty joke 18+
RENT FOR APARTMENT
A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a cheque for $250 and enclose the following typed note:
"Dear Madam,
Enclosed find a cheque for $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:
#1 - it had never been occupied;
#2 - there was plenty of heat; and
#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home.
However, I found out that:
#1 - it had been previously occupied,
#2 - there wasn't any heat, and
#3 - it was entirely too large."
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for $250 with the following note:
" Dear Sir,
#1 - I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. #2 - As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. #3 - Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.
Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady."
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FW: Nice one. Please read it, Nauty joke
A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class.
Madam asked,"Boy. what is your problem?"
Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!"
Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his Questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x > 3?"
Boy.: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x > 6?"
Boy.: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the 4th grade."
Madam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agreed.
Madam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of"?
Boy, after a moment "Legs."
Madam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."
Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out sof and sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer...
Boy.: Shake hands
Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me downto get me up.I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large
Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck
Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it you have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME.
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this Boy to IIM's, I got the last ten questions wrong
myself!â€
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FW: Beautiful prayer by a software employee.....................Telugu
Beautiful prayer by a software employee.....................
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GEOGRAPHY OF WOMEN
GEOGRAPHY OF WOMEN
Between the ages of 15 - 20, a woman is like Africa.
She is half discovered, half wild.
Between the ages of 20 - 30, a woman is like America.
Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.
Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India & Japan.
Very hot, crispy, wise and beautiful!!!
Between the ages of 35 - 40, a woman is like France.
She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.
Between the ages of 40 - 50, she is like Germany.
She lost the war but not the hope.
Between the ages of 50 - 60, she is like Russia.
Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.
Between the ages of 60 - 70, a woman is like England.
With a glorious past but no future.
After 70, they become Siberia.
Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
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BUG developers -Telugu
Aparichithudu
Oka line lo 5 bugs vunte thappa - kadu
5 lines lo 5 bugs vunte thappa - china thappu
5 programs lo 5 lines lo 5 bugs Vunte thappu kada - pedda thappe.
Prabhas
'Smile Smile Smile
Ee Prapancham entho peddadi,
Andhulo ee software entho chinnadhi,
Andhulo ee bug chala chala chinnadhi,
so don't bother about it,
Smile Smile Smile'.
Mahesh Babu
'Bug ni chudalanukovacchu - Tappu ledu
Rectify Cheyyalanukovaddu - Chacchi Pothav'
Nenu entha chetta tester no naake teliyadu!!
Chiru
'Idhigidhigo bossu .... Maree antha speed aiypomaaku story maaripoddhi...
As Tagore
Mana program lo mottam 2500 lines vunnayi
Andulo 1250 bugs vunnayi
Andulo 750 Runtime bugs ithey migilinavi, 500 bugs
compile time bugs.
Mana programlo ekkada choosinaa ..BUG!..BUG!..BUG!...ila prathi line lo inni BUGS vunte program ela execute cheyyali Sir!!..inni bugs choosi visugu chendaanu,elagainaaa BUGS rectify cheyyalanukunnanu.....anduke ABF(Anti Bugs Force) ane software tayyaru chesaanu...!..BUGS nu rectify chesaanu!....Nenu chesindhi tappani anipisthe naaku appraisals ivvakkarledu, hikes ivvakkarledu...assalu SALARY ne ivvaddu SIR!!!
PM: Andaru TESTERlu company lo pudataaru..kaani Nuvvu janam lo nunchi puttina TESTER vayya..!!
Balaiah
Nee bugs lo dammenta, nee Code lo pavarenta...
Nenu talachukunte kantichooputo bugs ni Srushtistaa
Nee program open chesaa...Andulo BUG petta..!
Nuvvu nijam gaa TESTER aithe ,Niyyabba nuvvu chadivindhi testing concepts ee aithe....BUG kanukkora chooddam! !!
NTR
EE baggulu mottamodata create chesindhi maa taata.....program lo pettindhi maa taata...vaatitho nuvvendhiraa nannu peekedhi!!
Nag
'Oye yetthi kottanante yetlo padadame kadu Surru summaipodhi, Bug Big ayipodhi!!.
Venkatesh
'Ayyo Ayyo Ayyayyo
Any Language
Any Compiler
Any no of Bugs
Single Hand -> Ganesh'
Legebrity-Mohan Babu:
The relationship between tester and BUG is like a fish and water ,but not fish and fisherman..!!.....eppudo chinnappudu chaduvukunna chaduvu grammer tappulu vunte manninchu....assalu arthame tappanukunte kshaminchu!!
Pity Star (UdayKiran)
'Chi Chi mee peddolunnarey, Coffee aani, Tea
aani, Meetings aani, Savalaksha Karanalu cheppi ma time waste chestaru.
Repu udayam padakondu gantalaki ee bug ni solve chesi ma youth power ento
chupista'
Now suddenly PowerStar will enter and say :-
'Matter chusthe chinna area, dheentlo pedda chikkulu, Andukey
chepthunnanu my dear friend's TESTING -GISTING ane tokkalo panulu pettukuvaddu!!
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What is the difference between Saali & Wife
**WARNING** THIS IS NOT STRICTLY TRUE IN EVERY SAALI'S. AND DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY!!
...*
*What is the difference between Saali & Wife*
Saali is Beauty, Wife is Duty
Saali is Pension, Wife is Tension
Saali is Yummy, Wife is Vehmi
Saali is Pataka, Wife is Dhamaka
Saali is Cool, Wife is Fool
Saali is Tooti - Fruity, Wife is Kismat Futi
Saali is Fresh cake, Wife is earth QUAK
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FW: Telugu encounter
On a flight James Bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy. Telugu Guy:
"Hello, May I know your name please?"
James Bond: "My name is Bond". Continuing in his inimitable style, "James Bond".
Then Bond asks: "And you?"
Telugu Guy says: "My name is Rao...
Siva Rao...
Samba Siva Rao...
Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao..."
Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says "James "
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How to ask ur boss for salary increase
One day an employee sends a letter to her boss asking for an increase in her salary !!!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company .
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your $ $incerely,
The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :
Dear
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading
ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NO thing more to add NOw You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager
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Pakistani Tourist
Pakistani Tourist
A Pakistani tourist after a long walk in one of very fancy clean streets of Delhi found himself needing to urinate badly. After a long search he could not find any place to you-know, and eventually couldn't control himself and chose a silent corner of a clean street to release himself.
As soon as he had just started you-know-what, a Delhi police official approached him, "Hey, What do you think you're doing here?"
Pakistani tourist: "Sorry I have to Pee"
Police : "No PP here okay ? Follow me."
The Police officer took him to a beautiful garden nearby with lots of grass, flowers and singing birds around.
Police: "PP here..... and have a nice day".
Pakistani tourist : "Oh Sir, ....... that's very nice of you, is this Indian courtesy?"
Police: "No.......this is The Pakistani Embassy!"
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Dad how was I born - Masala Joke
Pappu: Dad how was I born
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Dad: well son, your Mom & I got to gether at 'YAHOO'
we set us a date via E-Mail, & Met in a cyber cafe,
Your Mom agreed to dowload data from my PEN DRIVE,
JUST when I was about to "Transfer"
we realised that none of us have installed "FIREWALL"
IT was too late to DELETE
9 months later a POP-UP Window appeared & said
YOU HAVE GOT A MALE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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